How to deal with 2020 weight gain
This blog is more personal than usual, and that’s because I think you might resonate with my experience and learn something that helps you have compassion for yourself (and others).
I gained weight in 2020.
Not sure how much (I don’t weigh myself), and I don’t really care to know. And it totally makes sense.
It’s not because:
I struggle with overeating or binging
I stopped working out
I was filled with exhaustion from worrying about the virus
In fact, none of those things were serious stressors for me in 2020.
I continued to mostly eat delicious food prepared at home and treats…not noticeably more than I was before.
I continued to move my body in a way that felt intuitive, with about the same frequency and intensity as before (although this did fluctuate somewhat based on my access to a barbell).
I honestly wasn’t super stressed by the virus…I’ve always felt emotionally prepared to handle serious illness (and ironically have never encountered one), as well as the death of those I hold dear. So while I was sad for the rest of the world, my personal, day-to-day emotional experience wasn’t much affected by Covid.
Here’s what WAS different about 2020 for me:
I was furloughed from my job in March, where I walked around for 45+ hours a week in addition to my workouts.
My emotions were significantly impacted by my choice to once again become self-employed, my exploration of my own racial biases and privilege, and several personal/family situations in which I felt significant stress and responsibility.
The combination of less daily movement and increased emotional stress is a perfect recipe for weight gain. Physiologically, my body created more stress hormones that encouraged less insulin sensitivity + more fat storage, and my reduced engagement in low-intensity movement (allowing my body to use fat for fuel) meant that those fat stores were not consistently used up, allowing them to accumulate.
It makes sense. And it’s ok. It doesn’t mean I did anything wrong or that I’m a bad person for not actively “fixing” it. It’s just what happened.
You might be in a similar situation. Maybe you’ve worked really hard on having a neutral relationship with food and/or movement, and you finally feel like you can eat well and move well without thinking about how many calories you are eating/burning, or whether this food/exercise will change the way you look.
And then 2020 happened, and you feel like all that hard internal work has resulted in a bigger body, instead of a “weight stabilized” body like so many advocates of intuitive eating promise.
My friend, this does NOT mean that you’ve failed. This means that your body has incredibly sophisticated adaptations that help you stay alive and prioritize your immediate equilibrium. It’s entirely possible that you needed to gain weight in order for your body to feel safe. It’s also possible that, while continuing your intuitive food and movement practice, your body will realize it doesn’t need as much stored fat to feel safe. Either way, if you honor your hunger/fullness and your need for movement, you will be giving your body the tools it needs to take care of itself.
That’s the ultimate goal of improving your relationship with food and movement - you are able to trust that your body has your safety and health in mind. It WANTS you to feel your best. It WANTS you to be well. And it will continue to give you signals of things you can do to move towards what feels best/well for you.
So here’s what I’m doing about my 2020 weight gain: nothing in particular, except continuing to tune in daily to what my body is asking for.
Here’s what I’ve heard so far in 2021:
Less extreme workouts, more daily movement: Active chores, walking the dog more, standing more often while doing computer work, projects or activities that aren’t screen-based.
More vegetables: I spent a lot of time/energy on building my business in 2020, and less on assessing my veggie intake. Now I’m craving veggies ALL THE TIME because my body wants more of them.
Less stress, more smiles: Again, so much business building stress meant I spent a lot of time not smiling. Now I feel the need to spend time with friends, watch funny videos, and prank my husband. This laughter feels like medicine for my weary soul, and I know that it’s good for my hormones.
Speaking authentically: I keep thinking that I’ve dug up all my baggage around communicating clearly with people I care about…and then I find more and realize I’m nowhere near done working on this. Every time I hold in the truth or squash my needs to make someone else happy, a little bit of my fire dies. I know this is rooted in my belief that I won’t be loved unless I behave a certain way, and that my value is based on how much I’m loved. Can you tell I’m an enneagram 2? Anyway…this issue is a big one that my body is yelling at me fix.
I bet you know what your body is asking for. Think about what symptoms (internal or external) keep showing up, year after year. Those are the ones that are the MOST important (and hardest) to tackle for you to feel whole.
What’s trippy about this process is…these issues are probably never going to go away completely. They are part of your unique experience of being human.
Working on them and WITH them instead of trying to pretend like they don’t exist is how you will take ownership for your body and soul. This is how you will feel fully alive. And to me, being fully alive is much more important than worrying about whatever the heck the scale says. In fact, weight seems downright boring after you think about your life’s purpose for awhile.
So go get out there and live!